happy ttpd day to those who celebrate (very likely not you, then)
I actually don't just talk about Taylor's new album :D
I will refrain from a thorough analysis of Taylor’s latest album for everyone’s sake (and also mine because releasing 31 songs is just fucking crazy). You can also catch some stray pop culture thoughts from me below the TTPD section.
The Tortured Poets Department (not the anthology version)
On the first listen, I was absolutely floored that it was a Matty Healy album, but the more I think about it, Taylor’s strength is overanalysing short-lived romances (see also Red or 1989).
Musically, I am super over Jack Antonoff, he hasn’t given me a bop in a while so why are we still working with him? The songs blend together and sound like we’ve heard this before.
But as I procrastinated my day off and kept listening to the album, it has grown on me like an itchy rash lol. Now, is this her best work? No. But the tea is piping hot, and Taylor has reassured me that despite being a billionaire, 34-year-old woman at the top of her career, she’s still crazy and unhinged. Yes, Blondie, go do it for the plot!!!!!
Key takeaways from the album:
I guess she was actually crazy obsessed with Matty?!
Our queen will always stay a victim. We love consistency.
Joe Alwyn, we can’t really hate you. The songs you got are beautiful heartbreak ballads, kudos to you. (Also, thank god, we have a new London song because London Boy was not it!)
Travis Kelce got two songs, and they objectively suck. What do they even talk about?
Overall album ranking - lower than the classics, higher than Midnights. I will never forgive her for songs like Vigilante Shit.
Top three tracks from the first album:
The best of Coachella?
As many people before me have already acknowledged, the hay days of Coachella are past us. But there was one moment that had me giggling and kicking my feet.
Just some wholesome Bieber content!!!!
Yes, JB, show them soft masculinity!!!!!!!! <3 They will never make me hate you, bb.
Icon that is Zendaya
Zendaya and Law Roach always slay the red carpets and press tours, and Challengers is no different. The tennis theme dressing has been so fun to see. Obviously, I know NOTHING about the sport itself.
But one thing I will be doing is buying an overpriced ticket for an early screening of a movie about hot people being messy to AND with each other (also it is a Luca Guadagnino movie). I’m seated for hot people, always. In case you have not had the pleasure of watching the trailer yet, here you go.
Now Zendaya has served (ha) so many beautiful looks, but I am obsessed with the reference to Serena and Venus here.
Jonas Brothers pissing off fans since 2013
I have stepped down from my JoBro stanning since the well-documented break up between Joe and Sophie Turner. But after collective backlash and Joe backing off, I was considering going to their London concert this June (if the price was right).
But guess what happened? Jonas Brothers posted the shittiest video telling their fans that they are postponing their European leg of the tour for ‘exciting projects’.
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EXCUSE ME?! Fans were rightfully outraged, but as an OG fan, I remember 2013 when they were supposed to go on tour with a new album, only to announce their infamous break up. Dark days.
Now, shit happens, and they could be burnt out, but just say SORRY and don’t give say it’s because of other ‘exciting projects’. We don’t need new projects; people just want to go to concerts, have fun, and feel nostalgic.
It is entirely possible that the tour had to be postponed because of the upcoming custody battle between Joe and Sophie. But why don’t just say that? 0/10 PR strategy here.
How is Sophie preparing for the custody battle, you ask? By streaming Taylor’s new enemy-warning anthem that says don’t fuck with me, of course.
Short king and his short queen are (kind of) Instagram official
Who doesn’t love an IG soft launch in 2024? Our Saltburn short king has posted a first acknowledgement of Sabrina on his IG stories, and we love this for her. We’ve seen them together at the Oscar Vanity Fair party, The Eras Tour, and Coachella last week, but nothing says true love like a Tumblr-style soft launch.
If you don’t know, Sabrina has a new pop banger, ‘espresso’, that should be on your summer playlist.
Anyways, gone are the Disney love triangle days (rip Joshua-Sabrina-Olivia era); we’ve now moved on to Irish men in their early thirties with babies!!!
Final thoughts.
Andy Samberg can forever get it. The Lonely Island has a new podcast with Seth Meyers, and it’s super joyful, looking back at their time at SNL.
There’s a new Romeo + Juliet play in the works. This one is on Broadway starring the one and only Heartstopper baby Kit Connor and irl Rachel Berry aka Rachel Zegler. As if that wasn’t enough, Jack Antonoff is in charge of music. I think (?!) I can’t just go to NYC to see this, so the Tom Holland play will have to do.
Lol, a producer said Sydney Sweeney wasn’t pretty and couldn’t act. I’m not an acting expert and didn’t particularly care for Anyone But You, but calling her “not pretty” publicly is brave.
Wouldn’t be an update from me without mentioning Nicholas Galitzine and his upcoming movie with Anne Hathaway. It’s ridiculous, and I already feel like I need to defend it, but I’m getting a full soundtrack of boy band pop songs featuring Nicholas, so I won’t be complaining. Instead, I will stay thirsty for this white boy.